Super Me

If a nation’s flag is being flown upside down it is seen as a distress signal. But how would you tell if that flag was the union jack?

We get free health care in britain
Shit, I get free prescriptions too
Due to ‘a slight electrical imbalance’ in my brain I don’t EVER have to pay for any blood thinners, anti-depressants, weight control, erectile dysfunction tablets etc, etc.
Even asthmatics don’t get the service I get

I can go to see a doctor and say ‘my skin is in pretty bad shape, can you help me out? I have quit smoking, my diet is healthy, I’m exercising and I’m hardly even drinking these days...’ leaving out the fact that this new Super-Me is a mere four months old, impatient and expects immediate results after a decade of self-abuse

The doctor will tell me how I deserve to have good skin and promptly write me up a prescription for some soothing cream and/or a course of antibiotics and I will then drive to the pharmacy and pick up my medication. For FREE. Nothing could be easier

I could go in next week and tell her that the recurring cellulitis on my scalp where I was hit in the head with a hammer is playing up again...or that the lumbar region of my back that I injured while drunkenly lifting a grit box is keeping me awake at night. I would then receive a bottle of diazepam for all my hellish woes and make my exit past the queue of heroin addicts a-droop against the pharmacy walls and doorway, my entire being radiating a glow of superiority, free cures for all my inebriated idiocy tucked snugly inside my coat pockets

No health insurance, no pension scheme. I can go to other countries and still be treated in hospitals by highly trained individuals.... I will be taken care of forever

All this and still I complain.

The girl I like is studying to be a nurse. She is currently doing work placement on the wards of an East Kent hospital and has no time for me.

Fuck the NHS